I went to Belgrade after one of the most painful experiences of my life. A woman I loved had left me carrying a kind of pain I had never known before. I was lost, emotionally exhausted, and no longer recognized the person I had become.
I told myself I was traveling to find myself again.
The truth is that, somewhere deep down, I was looking for her.
Not to win her back. Not even to speak to her. I simply wanted to see her one more time.
And, strangely enough, Belgrade gave me that opportunity.
I didn't find her in a single person. Instead, I kept finding fragments of her everywhere. Sometimes it was an eyebrow that reminded me of her. Sometimes it was a haircut. A particular posture. A smile. The way someone moved their hands while talking. She was never completely there, yet she seemed to be everywhere.
Each resemblance hurt.
Every small reminder reopened the wound, but it also forced me to confront what I had been trying to escape.
When I came back home, I was no longer the same person.
Belgrade wasn't where I found peace. It was where I finally reached rock bottom.
And, paradoxically, that was exactly where the climb back up began.
Looking back, I now see the breakup differently.
It felt as if my car had broken down in the middle of a forest. At first, all I could think about was repairing the engine so I could continue driving. But once I stopped moving, I looked around for the first time in years.
I realized I had been lost long before the car ever stopped.
The breakup didn't create my suffering. It exposed it.
As much as that woman hurt me, she also opened my eyes. She shattered the delusional state I had been living in and forced me to see my life as it really was.
Since then, my goal has become simple: to find the woman I love. If she isn't where I am today, then I will keep looking. In another city, another country, or on the other side of the world if I have to. Whether I find her or not, I know that the search itself has already changed who I am.